No, I am not dead

A quick (ish) talk on what is going to happen with this blog, and me rambling about whatever: an interesting read (or… is it).

Hello everyone! I’m pretty sure you’ve noticed if you follow my instagram that I am, in fact, very much alive. However, if you only read my blog I have been very very dead since, like, forever. July? I don’t even know anymore. Oops, sorry.

Leaving like this wasn’t really my intention, but these past few months didn’t really give me a choice; they pretty much took over my entire life. I even struggle to keep my instagram up to date, and even though it might not have felt like it because I’m pretty much on it every single second of the day. However, these months have been some of the most stressful of my life. Still are, to be honest, with my baccalaureate coming up in a few months. I have too many ideas, too many things I want to do, too many things I have to do, and then I get overwhelmed and jaerbfoajhebr.

I just want to have time to do everything I want to do, and I’m super bad at priorities and actually sticking with things (as you can see from this poor blog that got neglected for months).

But this time around, I want to do better. I need to be more organised, I need to stop spending endless hours wasting time doing things that are useless. I know I can do all I want to do, I just need to get my shit together. Hence, this social experiment. I tend to think social pressure, or just people holding me accountable, can actually motivate me. Because, oh boy, motivation is a HUGE problem of mine.

See, the problem isn’t that I’m not motivated, per se. Well, technically, it is, but the biggest problem is that I don’t have a guilt system. I just, don’t. Get guilty. Ever. Which, in a way, is good, because it gets rid of a lot of problems such as feeling bad for eating too much chocolate or actually enjoying your book when you know you have so much school to do. The problem, however, is that I am enjoying my book when I know I have a lot of school to do. So, here I am, writing this when I probably have about a thousand other things to do. Not having a guilt system has its benefits, but it also has many many problems.

Either way, I’d love to know what your relationship with guilt and motivation is! It’s something very interesting to me, because I only realised what I told you a few months ago. After realising it, a loooot more things in my life made sense.

Anyway, to come back to the subject at hand, I think maybe letting you guys hold me accountable and actually having to write things down over here might help. This blog is kinda going to be my journal, I guess! A journal that I update every few weeks. I will post mostly reviews of what I read, but also just the random post here and there about what’s up (and whenever I need to rant).

I am really sick and tired of feeling like I could have done so much more if I didn’t procrastinate, if I had done this, or that, or done that instead. I want to feel accomplished, and I feel like my brain is stopping me. But my brain is my own, and fuck you brain. I can do whatever I want.


If you have not been following what’s up on IG (by the way, here), here’s a quick overview:

  • I quit ballet! Biggest, scariest decision of my life, but I realised it wasn’t for me anymore. I have two passions, books and ballet, and I decided it was time to concentrate on the first. I still dance, just not pre-pro anymore!
  • I am currently living in Canada! And loving it, despite the cold.
  • I cut my hair? like actually short, and I looooove it. So much. Best decision ever.
  • I read this Chinese novel (translated in english, of course) after watching the show (The Untamed (or CQL- Chen Qing Ling) on Netflix, WATCH IT) in November I think and goooood I have not read one book after that because I KEEP READING FANFICTION BECAUSE I JUST CAN’T LET IT GOOOO. It’s called mo dao zu shi by mo xiang tong xiu and it’s so so so so good. I cannot stress how good it is enough. Read my lenghty review that is just me telling you how good it is over and over in different words, here. The show has basically taken over Asia at this point and on the WETV app it has over 7 billion views (first of all, how??? That’s the population of earth lmfao) and I’m pretty sure it was the most watched show in latin america a few months ago. I’m not kidding CQL world domination. Plus I’m obsessed with Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan, the most beautiful men on earth.
  • I have a new work in progress, a contemp romance, gay, what-if-rome-had-never-fallen alternate universe, a student pianist model disaster and the heir to the empire. I love my them and I’m very excited to actually have time to work on it 0.0
  • college applications have effectively killed me (this is my ghost writing) and I applied in 3 countries (USA, Canada, and UK). But hey, as I’m writing, I got into 3 already! (1 in the USA and 2 in the UK) So I’m happy, haha.
  • I opened a net galley account? So? we’ll see how that goes.

Alrighty I think that’s it! Congrats if you actually read all of that, and if you just scrolled to the end well thanks for clicking on this page lol. I hope all of you guys are doing well, and remember I’m always here to talk if you need help or anything!

I love you all!!!

sjfbnpaiwhrbfp I am so sorry I literally could not stop myself. Look at them. They’re… rjabeorughboaeurzg. Too beautiful for this world. Anyway, enjoy these pictures of Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo to make your day better.

That is all. Goodbye

Why am I like this

I am so done with myself lmao

2 thoughts on “No, I am not dead

  1. Hey aelin I read your blog, why are you so confused with your thoughts? I think mine relationship with guilt and motivation will be way bad than yours and focus on your baccalaureate, but to be honest i really loved the the way you try to express yourself will the jumbling of letters, I really liked the way 🙂


    1. Hey there! Why am i confused? Well if there’s one thing to know about me, I am always confused 😂 it’s just how I am hahaha. And yes! It really depends on the circumstance, my relationship with guilt/motivation definitely has its good sides (along with its bad sides). And thank you!! I am incapable of seriously writing a blog post 🤭❤️ Thanks for commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

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